A couple of weeks ago, I woke up early one morning and found I was out of milk. I decided to head over to my neighborhood grocery store and pick up a gallon.
I walked up to the sliding glass doors only to see that I had arrived ten minutes too early. Suddenly, a handsome guy walked up to me and I asked him if the store opens at 6am, I thought he might work there.
He proceeded to walk up close to me, smiled, and rubbed the hair on my chest that was showing from the tank top I was wearing. "Whoa, uh hello." I said. The handsome dude was laying it on thick and was obviously hitting on me.
This scene had hookup sex and drugs written all over it. He confessed that he was looking to see what kind of "trouble he could get into" as he smiled and sized me up. What came out of my mouth still makes me laugh, "I am sober, in recovery and go to 12 step meetings!" I blurted it. "Congratulations! He said. I struggle with speed myself. " He said. "Yeah, I figured and could tell," I thought to myself."
He proceeded to tell me his life story that he just moved to Dallas the day before and was staying nearby. I told him that I was here to purchase milk and he offered to buy me groceries if I ever needed. He was definitely laying it on thick. I was in love. I jest. I told him where to find meetings locally and that it would be cool to see him there. He thanked me and walked away due south. I purchased my milk and when I left I made a conscious decision to go north.
You see, prior to recovery. I would have found my value through external validation. A handsome guy hitting on me for sex would have validated my self worth and I would have followed him to his place and or asked him to come over. I would have wound up in some self serving, ego driven situationship.
Today, I make the conscious decision to love myself inside and out. Like my Sponsor Sam tells me, "You are a whole person, no one completes you." I am dating myself at the moment and will stay true to that end. My actions are meant to reflect my values and intentions. Me, myself and I are doing just fine and thus there will be no 6am grocery store hookup. Happy trails to you sir.
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